Well we have had some good days and then there is yesterday.  All I want is to be able to see and feel that she loves me as much as she says.  It really isn't a lot that I'm asking.  If she truly loves me as much as she proclaims, why does it seem so hard for her to do the little things?  It`s the little things that mean so much, especially when we are apart.  It's during our times away from eachother that I feel the most vulnerable, yet she seems indifferent. I am left feeling guilty because I want and crave a little TLC when we are apart or a simple little text of words of love, support etc during her 2 hour commute, tell me she is thinking about me etc.  But that seems like to tall an order for someone who loves me soooo much.  Why should I have to even discuss this? But it doesn't matter as it seems to be falling on deaf ears.  Anyway I want her to do the little things on her own, I should not have to tell her.

So I have decided to not bring this up anymore.  I need to refocus on myself.  I can not make someone care more  or feel more, that is not my place.  All I have to do is just be myself.  Show her how much love I have and keep showing her until such a time that she begins to show me or I leave.  That is the reality here.  I am not asking for too much.  I know this now.  I will know that if this relationship ends that I did everything possible for as long as possible.  I will be ok.  She has awakened me, she showed me my flaws, she reminded me what love was all about.  I have changed, learned for the better.  I hope she sees that and learns from this as well.