On Monday, day 4 after her being caught, I discover she did send one last email to this guy.  It was the day after she promised no more emails, not even to say she couldn't.  It said that her husband found out by fluke, that he was watching this email so please do not respond.  I'm Sorry.

Well that enraged me.  Sorry?  She was never suppose to email him again. I'm angry...she explains she only wanted him to be clear not to email her anymore,  she knew if he did that any progress between us would be lost.

 What do you say to that????  I'm pissed.  Trust back to negative 1000.

 I send him an email of my own on Monday and it bounces right back to me "acct closed"....he has bailed.  His other account as well has been closed.  I wasn't surprised.  In their emails he would not reveal any details about himself more than he had to, no pictures etc.  He made it clear he was happily married and had no interest in ruining his marriage, what a peice of shit.  I wanted to expose him. But he was off the map.  Fuck I waited to long.

That night I question her more, she was still sticking to her story.   Nothing happened.  Couldn't go through with it.  Ask her to be truthful.   Our marriage depends on it.  She says there is nothing more to tell.   I ask her about her clothes.  Did she buy or take anything new?  She admits yes.  She bought some new lingerie.   But she never wore any of it she says.   I ask to see.   She has them stuffed away in a bag.   At first glance everything appears unworn.  Some stuff has tags on it still.

I'm angry again.  She has not worn anything like that for me since before she was pregnant...10 years ago.  Now she is going to where it for some random Internet stranger?

Life sucks.   I'm hurt.  I'm left wondering if there is any hope.

 She deceives me for over a month by emailing back and forth with some strange guy she met in a forum.  Then decides it's a good idea to get a Brazilian and Lie to her husband about going to meet this stranger not for just 1 night but 3?  Buys new lingerie, that she doesn't wear?  It all doesn't add up.   I'm aware that she was gone only 1 night, but she had planned for 3.  Sure he could have been a creep?  But then why email him after telling me she would never again?  Cold feet?  Yeah right.   His email the morning after clearly stated a change of plans, he was headed back to San Francisco.

Also there was this other email that fateful evening.   Why email the guy at 1215 am of the affair night to say she missed him?  If she truly had cold feet would she have sent that email to him after their night together was so clearly wrong?  Perhaps it proves he never spent the entire night but it also proves it wasn't me she was thinking about.  Cold feet?  I don't think so.

Why can't she just be honest with me?  Tell me how it was?  I want to leave her now.   But know I am in no condition to make a sane decision.

Therapist session booked for Friday, look forward to it,  I'm so lost.