I may never know the truth of that evening or I should say I may never believe her story of that evening.  That thought alone is enough to ruin a marriage.  How can you move forward if you are constantly in doubt of your wife?  In disbelief of her accounts?  I think that is going to be my biggest hurdle, trying to wrap my head around the story she has told me.  Part of me thinks the only way to move past this is to accept what I do not want to believe.  Simply put she had sex with him.  Believe that as truth and forgive her.  Then no more questions and no more doubts rest in my mind.  The thing is I`ve tried to do that.  I'm left though with the question why will she not come clean?  So how important am I to her if she can not be truthful about her actions that night?  Does she not want to move forward?  So you can clearly see that believing the worst possible scenario does not solve the problem.  How about if she is telling the truth?  Then believing they had sex would be wrong and the questions about her truthfulness would also be wrong.  It really is a messed up feeling.

We had a nice day together yesterday, and honestly I felt secure with her for the first time in many weeks.  I want to believe her and seem to be on the brink of making that fateful leap.  I know this takes time.  Building trust is something that is earned not just handed out.  So I know that whatever it is that keeps pulling me back from making that final leap forward will begin to fade eventually.  I have faith in that.  I believe she loves me and is remorseful.  I believe she will continue to prove to me that I am all she needs in her life.  As time moves forward  I now believe that I will eventually see the truth for what it truly is and finally be able to take that fateful leap. I am 100% committed.  I know there will still be days ahead that I question her faith in us, but no longer believe those days will destroy our marriage.

I think we (she is) are lucky.  I know that this could have gone a lot worse than it has.  It makes me feel good as a person.  It helps return that confidence I had lost in myself.  I know that I have handled this situation admirably.  I don`t think I even raised my voice.  I was able to stay calm and composed when I wanted to scream and destroy.  To take time to think rationally when I wanted to toss her to the curb and leave this marriage.  That alone speaks volumes to me about who I am, my sense of self.  I`m a great guy, an amazing husband and an incredible Dad.  I believe she is lucky to have me, that she respects me now more than she ever could have.  That she would never do anything again to jeopardize her marriage.  I know she believes that any indiscretion on her part in the future will see me gone, without word or discussion.  That is not a line in the sand.  That is a fact.  She has changed me as a person.  She has made me see myself in a different way.  I am more confident now than I have been in my entire life.  I will have no problems taking the high road if she ever does anything like this again.  I will walk without discussion, my head held high and never look back, knowing that there are plenty of women who would love a man like me.  But honestly I don`t believe we are going to go there.  She sees me now for who I truly am.  She sees for the first time in a long time how much I love her and how far and limitless I am willing to go for her.

The Past is History, the Future is a Mystery and Today is a Gift